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Relationship and companionship

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Signs that you are in a relationship that does you no good:

Your partner

  • is very jealous and possessive.
  • doesn't want you to spend time with your friends or family.
  • wants to control you. He or she tells you who you can meet, where you can go or what you should wear.
  • wants to know constantly where you are or demands that you keep in touch.
  • reaches in your mobile phone without your permission and reads your messages
  • constantly bashes you down and says that without him/her you would be nothing.
  • makes you responsible for all problems in the relationship.
  • makes all decisions for both of you and does not take your opinion seriously.
  • often makes false accusations. For instance, he/she accuses you of cheating for no reason.
  • threatens you or scares you. For instance, if you are not of the same opinion, you are afraid of the reaction. He or she often loses control.
  • uses violence against you e.g. grabbing, pushing or hitting.
  • urges you to have sex, is brash or hurts you.
  • is very insecure and constantly requires you to prove your love.
  • often threatens to break up
  • does not accept that you have ended the relationship.

If two or more characteristics hold applicable to your partner, you are probably in a relationship that does you no good. What step is the best to take differs from person to person. But one thing is certain: Something has to change. It is important that you talk to someone about your relationship. It could be friends, family members or teachers. If you want anonymous advice, you can always reach out to our counselling centres or contact our online consultation service.

What should be done?

The best way is certainly to break up and distance yourself from the person. This is not always easy. Sometimes you feel torn and you may not even notice that the negative feelings and events in the relationship have long since overtaken the positive ones.

If you want to end the relationship and are afraid of the reaction of your partner, you can also end it by SMS or message. This is the safest way in case of doubt. If you absolutely want a personal conversation, then it is best to meet in a public place. Take a companion with you who is waiting on the sidelines.

If you decide to stay with your partner, you should talk to him or her about the fact that something needs to change in your relationship. Be sure not to jeopardise your safety in any way. For instance, it is a smart move good if someone else knows when you are meeting with your partner and they can reach you during the meeting.

Is your partner violent and you are afraid that he/she will hurt you? You can get help from the police or organisations like Frauen gegen Gewalt or the Hilfetelefon. (Violence against women /Hotline)